I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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