So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
