weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
