just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
