Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever