It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids