i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"