If i come over, it means nothing
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
A+ Viking dick
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.