You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.