I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Everyone says I win the strip club
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.