no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
