im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
