The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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