we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
