dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
