i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
