our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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