he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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