I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
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he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
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I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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