He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
