it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
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She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
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You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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