why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
