If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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