I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize