I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
