he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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