im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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