Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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