Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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