he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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