Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
