I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
