he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
