please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
