someone get that fucking seahorse.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
do herpes really smell.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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