dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
