So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
