dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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