I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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