If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
