You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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