Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
