I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
I am invincible.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.