Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'

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  (650): oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole' http://tfl.nu/gd5q
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know

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  (603): Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels (1-603) Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know http://tfl.nu/7nn4
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.

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  (614): Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong. http://tfl.nu/lm91
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  (328): View more from

  im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?

  (1-328): View more from

  anal.

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  (328): im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is? (1-328): anal. http://tfl.nu/bglg
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.

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  (360): I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier. http://tfl.nu/3der
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze

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  (224): Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze http://tfl.nu/j7ix
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out

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  (610): omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out http://tfl.nu/5zdd
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf

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  (905): No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf http://tfl.nu/d4pp
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.

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  (910): shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose. http://tfl.nu/5ocp
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.

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  (917): Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree. http://tfl.nu/ljt4
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  (850): View more from Florida

  They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.

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  (850): They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here. http://tfl.nu/6x4c
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.

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  (303): Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously. http://tfl.nu/0rsy
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.

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  (717): Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too. http://tfl.nu/67rw
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  (951): View more from California

  We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.

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  (951): We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here. http://tfl.nu/55bx
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  (585): View more from New York

  A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment

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  (585): A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment http://tfl.nu/nqpl
  Replies (1) Good night (822) Bad night (173) Order T-Shirt

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