Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY