but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????