Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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