It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
