It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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