The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
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I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
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Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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