Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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