he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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