Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
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What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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