I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
