You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
