I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
