..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
