Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
