i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize