I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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