I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
